I was working with a leader who was extremely results-oriented.
She told her team she preferred to communicate almost entirely through Teams messages. Face-to-face meetings were discouraged and only allowed when absolutely necessary...and even then, they were scrutinized.
From her perspective, it made sense.
She had a heavy workload.
She wanted efficiency.
But her team was made up of people-oriented communicators.
They needed connection.
They needed dialogue.
They needed to feel seen by their leader.
Instead, they felt isolated.
And when people who thrive on connection start to feel invisible, trust erodes quickly.
Collaboration weakens.
Assumptions replace clarity.
Team dynamics turn toxic.
In this case, projects started slipping through the cracks, and the breakdown in communication ultimately cost the company close to a million dollars in derailed work.
Not because the leader wasn’t smart...but because the communication style didn’t match what the team needed to succeed.
The Problem Isn’t Directness
Here’s the part that often gets missed with these types of leaders - -> being direct and being effective are not the same thing.
When your delivery lands as harsh, dismissive, or cold, people don’t hear the message. They react to the tone.
Instead of hearing, “Here’s what needs to improve.”
They hear, “I’m failing.”
Or worse...they shut down completely.
And now the conversation you meant to make efficient just got a whole lot longer.
Direct leaders often think they have two choices:
• Be blunt and efficient
• Or sugarcoat everything
But there’s a better option - -> direct + human.
You don’t soften the message.
You frame it so people can actually hear it.
3️⃣ Ways to Say It Better Without Making Your Team Cry
1. Start with intention
Instead of, “Your presentation missed the mark.”
Try, “I want to give you feedback so the next presentation lands even stronger.”
2. Focus on behavior, not identity
Instead of, “You’re not prepared.”
Try, “I noticed a few places where the preparation didn’t come through.”
3. Add one sentence of connection
Instead of, “We can’t keep missing deadlines.”
Try, “I know everyone’s working hard, and we need to tighten this so clients stay confident in us.”
Great leaders don’t just say what’s true.
They say it in a way people can receive it.
Because one sentence—delivered well—can save weeks of frustration (and frankly, a whole lot more than that).
Fix the conversation.
Protect the revenue.
If your team misreads tone, escalates quickly, or avoids hard conversations altogether...you don’t have a people problem.
You have a translation problem.
My half-day Conversation Sprint teaches teams exactly how to adjust their delivery so messages actually land.
➡️ Click HERE to learn more.
Fast. Practical. Immediately usable. If communication issues are slowing your team down, let’s talk.
